The Pain of Joy
Obviously, I know that look in my eyes. This was a day of ultimate validation amongst my peers, but my conscience was eating me alive. Based on my passion for sneakers, then and now, I was recently reflecting on my comparisons and growth over the last 24 years. I recall being braggadocios and charming with the writer, which I still find in myself as an adult, though with a bit of humility. The number of shoes has increased, but the variance around my selection remains. At this point, I’m trying to convince myself to commit to my favorite catalog (vintage Air Force 1 collection), but the struggle is real.
The photo was taken in my bedroom, which I thought was the coolest for a 17 year old. The walls were hunter green with black lacquer trim; my Uncle John helped me paint it. I actually had the bedroom furniture to match, which was trendy at the time, and I practically had my own entrance in the back of the house. I was definitely feeling myself at this time of my life, but my values weren’t in the best place and plan for the future had been tainted from what it was in elementary and middle school.
I was a senior in high school, an average athlete, a B- student at best, working a part-time job, stressed about college, along with how I was going to pay for it. On top of that, over the past 6 months prior to this photo, I had to accept, and prepare to be a father. Right!! That face remains the same to this day. When I’m off my game, but I’m playing it normal. Teen pregnancy wasn’t unheard of in the mid 90s, but wasn’t as prevalent as it has been over the last 20 years. My immediate reaction was definitely selfish, which at that age is undeniable. I went through so many ups and downs with being different from all my immediate friends and peers; none of them were in this predicament. Of course, as two kids ourselves, our ability to maturely deal with this wasn’t notable.
My dad was great with driving me to be a good father, because he was a proud one and had always been there for my mom, my sister and I. I had to help him understand that my aspirations are what drive me, which is because he had raised me to be better than him. Some guys, and girls, don’t have the best example or one at all to help them get through a situation like this. The challenges are more severe in this case, which can lead to the cycle that we see so very often. All in all, through the ups and downs, the many trials, tribulations and even a second daughter by the age of 20, I managed to be HERE.
I’ve adored all my children from birth, and still do as growing young adults. Alexus is 23, A’Cura is 21, and Aston is 16. Without them, I wouldn’t be the man I am today. I’ve learned so much about myself, good and bad, from being so involved in their lives, sometimes not, and the pain linked to that. It’s never been ideal, but it takes the man or woman behind the decisions to take a look at themselves, be open-minded, change the narrative and make the necessary changes to improve...and repeat.
Initially, I was gearing this towards young fathers, but realized how important it is for the young mothers as well. My younger sister, my only sister, and mother of five, gives me hope for all young parents that struggle with the process. She has definitely had her share of frustration, some self-inflicted, but her confidence to reset, be vulnerable and push forward is motivational. Many believe their plans and dreams for life should be discarded. They may need to be put on hold, but they can always be revisited. You have to put what you want for your kids ahead of yourself ensuring your choices are for a long-term plan, not a short-term fix. This is the first step of sacrifice, followed by the first step towards growth.
Sacrifice and growth will allow you to look past the issues with your co-parent, value riding the bus to work, set the example for your kids by going back to school, and knowing that progress is a process. It’s bigger than the latest Jordan’s coming out, the nights out at the club, and social media status. Eating good is more important than staying fresh, but you can work hard enough to do both.
#eatgood #stayfresh #ShoeYourFood
